Most conflict arises because of a failure to communicate. In order to have effective communication the following things need to be talked through. Each person needs to talk about the one issue at hand, what they thought, felt, want to happen and give specific examples of what they would like to see happen in the future.
Seek to Understand
"A fool does not delight in understanding, only in revealing his own mind." Proverbs 18:2
Most conflicts are resolved when you understand one another which takes supernatural power to put your needs on hold and try to understand the other person. Ask the Lord for strength to truly hear and understand where the other person is coming from. Try not to assume their motives of why they have done things. Instead of assuming, ask questions.
Speak for Self
Use I statements. Try not to accuse or blame for your feelings but rather take responsibility for how you feel. Try not to clam up but be willing to share your motives, thoughts and feelings to enable the other person to understand where you’re coming from. If you don’t share your thoughts, feelings, wants and actions you’re not giving them the ability to move forward in love.
If possible, write out a wheel ahead of time.
Asking leading questions. Do not try to jump in and fix them or relate your autobiography. Just listen. Invite them to tell you more. Don’t stop inviting until they say there is nothing else. Usually, the third time you invite you strike gold and get to the heart. Then they know you really want to know.
Establish eye contact and use healthy non verbals like nodding your head yes and not giving dirty looks. Acknowledge them and show you’re listening, "uh huh, yeah, ok…" etc. Summarize what you think they’ve said. Capture the essence in an empathetic way. “Let me see if I understand. So when I _________ you thought ________and felt __________.You’d like for us to _______ and want __________. Is that right?”